I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Who died my cat blue again?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
