I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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