He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
