And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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