Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
