Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
