saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
