he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
