Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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