i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
