why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
