everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
