I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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