on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
