I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
