I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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