I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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