I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I have tasted many bathrooms
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
