then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
