It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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