So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
