What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
wow bdsm is so cute
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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