i was born a porn star she said
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
