i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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