I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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