Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
