I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
how drunk are you?
Several
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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