oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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