Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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