He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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