well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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