Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
