I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
