did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
