I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just gift wrapped bread.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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