i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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