Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
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