Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
