2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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