sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
