hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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