Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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