I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
