ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
