you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
