Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
