Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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