after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize