you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
