I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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