I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
