Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
