new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
