Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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