i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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