make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
