i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
