If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
