I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
