you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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