he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
