we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
