he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
