just survived the first fart of the relationship.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
