life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
