I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
