You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
