If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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