I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
