Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
