Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
