somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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