just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
