I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
