when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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