I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
being pregnant is like rehab
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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